Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Yes, I do think about death often.

One day, I was listening to a clip of John Gibson talking about Heath Ledger (after he had passed on). The whole thing was disturbing to listen to, but there was one thing about Heath that Gibson said that really got to me.

Apparently, Gibson thought Heath was a freak because Heath had mentioned in an interview that he thought about death often. Gibson went on a tangent, basically stating that only a freak would think about death that much.

But if you think about it, most of the people in the world are constantly thinking about death. People are obsessed with the possibility that there will be another world waiting for them after they have perished. Most organized religions constantly remind their patrons to be on their best behavior so they will make it to a paradise that awaits them after death. Parents teach their children good morals so they can assure that they'll be reunited with their families in the heavens. Kings and pharoahs of the past spent their entire lives obsessing about and preparing for their death.

It's a known fact. People think about dying. It is an innate behavior that shouldn't be judged harshly.

I used to be obsessed with death. My mom told me I was a thanataphobe since the fragile age of two. I would have dreams that I would pass away and then total darkness would take over these dreams. It was frightening.

Because of this, I slept with my parents until I was seven years old. As a matter of fact, I didn't get over this fear until I was about 20 years old. I still have panic attacks every once in a while, but the older I get, the less I stress about it. I can actually think about it these days without my stomach flipping.

I can even joke about it now.

Speaking of which, a while ago I wrote a short epitaph that I would like inscribed onto my tombstone. I'm hoping my best friend and family will ensure that this is taken care of once I've passed. Feel free to add your own.


Here lies Shayna, the most decorated of all the galactic gladiators in this vast universe. She died saving Earth from the extraterrestrial lizard king, Philistine Rex, who had been harvesting our kind for his species' consumption during The Years of Trepidation. Never before has such an amazing warrior blessed the soil of this wretched planet with a presence as radiant nor with as much purpose, as Shayna Xavier, the Flawless. She will be forever missed.

May 05, 1983 - December 12, 2015

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