Tuesday, April 15, 2008

A Letter From My Past

So a long time ago (2 years to be exact) I discovered a place called FutureMe.org, which is a website that allows you to compose an email and send it to yourself up to 30 years later. When I was 22, I knew I probably wouldn’t graduate until at least spring 2008, so I decided to write a letter to my 24-year-old-self to encourage progress and remind myself that things probably aren’t as bad as I think. I just received that letter today...

Here is the letter I wrote two years ago:

Dearest FutureMe,

How art thou? So...you’re probably finishing up your degree by now, and are more than likely stressed. But don’t be afraid. Also, you should take more time out to play canasta...I know you probably have never played it yet...but I do know that you like saying canasta...so it’s high time you learn, eh? Wow...you’re like 24 these days...almost 25...you probably have wrinkles and hair in strange places now. You better not still be smoking. You were supposed to quit March 31, 2006.

Soooo...did you get knocked up yet? If so make Jess buy you something nice...she really needs to give you something awesome...no more of that free linux bullshit she tries to throw at you all the time (okay so far it was just once, but I’m sure by now she’s tried to give you more free editions of this OS).

Well I’ll give you the low-down on what’s going on now in my life, so you can look back and say...hey...things worked out the way they were supposed to. I’m working at Pacific Movers and am taking Art 105, Econ 100, English 111, and Powerpoint (don’t remember the number right now). You also were just dumped by you writer boyfriend Steve, which I’m sure, looking back (as futureme) you understand it was for the best. You probably have someone in your life that is far better for you these days, and if not...do not dispair...this world is so flippin huge there’s bound to be someone out there who can handle your Vivaciousness. I hope you still have fly style.

Wif luv,


P.S. Buy yourself some sexy underwear.

So now, I’m going to write a response to PastMe, as it is only fair. I hate leaving messages unanswered, regardless of who they’re from...so here it goes.

Dear PastMe,

I hate to disappoint your curly-haired-self, but alas, I will not be graduating until spring 2009. I could, in theory, graduate in fall 2008, but I might go crazy and shoot someone due to the stress caused by the heavy courseload I would need to take in order to accomplish such a feat.

I’m happy to inform you, however, that I HAVE played canasta, thanks to my dear friend Becca. I also haven’t discovered any new wrinkles on my person as of yet. And as far as the hair issue is concerned, well, I recently decided that everything growing from a follicle from the shoulders down shall be harvested regularly and stored in the nearest garbage receptacle. That’s right PastMe. I...Am...Itchy. >8(

Let’s see...what else were you curious about...?

Oh! I no longer smoke, as I officially quit (again) on Christmas day, 2007, but I did have cigarettes last Saturday at the Great Cover Up. I’ve come to the conclusion, though, that since I smoked those cigarettes in the past, I only have you to blame. Knock it off, PastMe.

Now that I’ve answered your first group of questions, I would just like to point out how appalled I am at your lack of faith when it comes to my ability to properly use birth control. Your assumption that I may be pregnant at this point in my life not only hurts, but also makes me wish I had the ability to travel to the past, just so I can punch you in the face. Consider yourself lucky.

On another note, Jess hasn’t been giving me free operating systems as gifts these days. She’s actually been giving me bad-ass presents lately. Her present-giving stats are now off the hook, and she has leveled up to a level 45 GD (gift-distributor). She is a force to be reckoned with, fo sho.

So, PastMe, now that I have answered your questions, I will end this note with a summary of what is going on in my life now, just as you had 2 years ago when you wrote your letter to me.

I am currently working at the OIT Support Center on campus. It pays me WAY less than I was paid at Pacific Movers. However, my supervisor is no longer the spawn of Satan, so I actually enjoy my work. I’m also dating someone who lives over 3,000 miles away from me. Although it’s hard to know for sure whether or not he can handle "my vivaciousness" you had mentioned in your letter to me, he seems to deal with my neurosis, which stems from being so far away from him, really well. So that’s saying something. Also, he can always make me smile.

So there you have it PastMe: An update from the one and only PresentMe. I hope FutureMe enjoys reading the correspondence between the two of us when she reads this bliggity, bloggity, blag. I’d end this with some sweet advice, but you can’t really give advice to one’s past-self, now can you? I guess I’ll just have to write another letter to FutureMe instead.

Hugs and Kisses,

Shayna AKA PresentMe

PS I am currently sexy-underwear-clad. Thanks PastMe!

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