Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I Carry Feces Unawares

Dear Diary,

My dog is a magician...and a mean magician at that.

Today, after Jess dropped me off at Gruening, I ventured up to the writing center to print off some letters I had written to my biological father.

During my journey, I couldn't help but wonder why I smelled like a dog musher. One of the English Dept. guys kept giving me a shifty eye. I think he was confused by the fact that I looked nice, but smelled like ass.

The stench kept coming and going, and I became concerned that my coat may have been the victim of a bowely assualt. I finally decided to go to the 3rd floor restroom and perform a thourough investigation.

I went into a stall and began inspecting every article of clothing I had on. Nothing appeared to be tainted by urine or feces, and the bottoms of my shoes were squeaky clean. I decided it was all in my head and that I should just spray myself with Hawaiin Ginger Body Spray to put my mind at ease.

As I reached for the purse in my backpack I coulnd't help but notice that the smell had returned. I began to move things around in an attempt to retrieve my fragrent mist...and then I saw it. T

There it was, sitting atop my favorite wallet, a piece of my beautiful bitch's shit.

It was INSIDE my backpack. I'm not exactly sure if Assiqtaq dropped trow on it while the bag was opened, or if I had absent-mindedly shoved a book in my bag that just so happened to have the disgusting defacation on it.

At any rate, it was quite an experience. I think everyone should dress up nice and carry around a bag containing shit to see the different reactions they receive from passersby. It will change your life.



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