Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Ptoo!

Ahhhh Wednesday. What a wonderful day. This Wednesday has been so great to me. The sun was shining, I was allowed to paint at work, and the stock market was kind to me*. Yet when it comes to me, it would seem, every fortune comes with a price. A very gross, unsanitary price.

Beautiful Brooklyn, my new home, my sexy sanctuary, blessed me with a new found wisdom that I intend to share with all of you. Brooklyn reminded me of the power of humility...and my oh my...I can't even begin to display the appropriate gratitude for this kind gesture.

Today, my dear readers, Brooklyn became a borough incarnate, taking the form of two very loud, angry, scrunchy-clad women. These women reminded me how lucky I am to have come this far. I moved 4,000 miles away from the peaceful drifts of snow and boredom, to be welcomed by these women with their wonderful words of kindness...

...and by "welcomed" I mean "expectorated on"...and by "with their wonderful words of kindness," I mean "with their revolting saliva".

Yes my darlings. I was spat upon during a stroll through my awesome neighborhood...on my favorite jeans, too. My friends and co-workers already have to deal with my awful coffee breath. Now I have to worry about my pants being haunted by smelly halitosis...or the serious gum disease GINGIVITIS.

Thank you Brooklyn.

Thank you for reminding me I resemble something that is socially acceptable to spit upon...like a sidewalk...or tiny, annoying dogs.

Actually, I make it sound like I was totally devastated by this chain of events, but I really had no clue that these two crazy ladies had directed their anger towards me as they were arguing. I was too excited about walking to the store to purchase fancy beer. I mean seriously...you should see this place's selection.

At first the ladies were in front of me, but as I was texting a friend and giggling, they seemed to think my jovial demeanor was an affront to their very "serious" argument. So they got behind Jess and I, and proceeded to threaten us. According to Jess, they said they were going to break her glasses so she would be forced to wear contacts. I overheard one of them talk about how they had spit on my pants as we walked through the super store's doors. I looked down, and by gum, they were right! There it was...a handsome globule of saliva drifting slowly down the threads of my jeans.

To my surprise I wasn't mad, or sad, or frustrated. I did worry for my health, but that's just due to an intense fear of foreign bodily fluids. I suppose I was mostly annoyed because I really just wanted to imbibe something tasty, and these morons kept me from doing this in a timely fashion.

But hey, it's okay Brooklyn. I still love you. I just need to start wearing water resistant gear when I walk around your sexy self from now on.

It's poncho time! Yeah!

*Note: I do not own stock. Nor do I venture to markets of any sort**.

**Double Note: Okay I lied. I love markets***.

***and cupcakes.

Here's the latest artwork I've created. The first pics are of two new bookmarks. I'm not sure why I'm so into drawing on those things lately. The last pic is of the tattoo I was commissioned to draw for my friend Kirstin. She wanted me to use the lion image on this scottish flag and have it rising from the ashes, like a phoenix. I heard she loves it.

K...I'm going to bed now. Hugs and kisses.

Shayna



3 comments:

AJ said...

Shayna,

I heart your sense of humor. "Do these carrots come in bacon?" Classic! Here's to Brooklyn. Maybe next time I will visit that sexy stronghold.

Amanda

Juan said...

hey this is juan a.k.a johnny from lowes... I saw your artwork & I must say: original and superb! I like the tatt design/ the blue at the base of the flames was a nice touch. not sure where in brooklyn you dwell but I lived in bklyn most of my life and i've seen it all! I hope their ignorance does'nt diminish your opinion of it though :)

Shayna said...

Amanda - I will have more furniture when you do! You can stay with me and Jess...and so can the little one <3

Juan - Thank you! I still love Brooklyn. I can't let some crazy lady get me down, otherwise I'd be a mess at this point.

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